Some memories are there forever because they are sweet. Some memories are there forever because they are sad. Both of these can't be helped because most of the time the happiness or the sorrow occurs due to an incident out of our control (not necessarily always). These memories will someday bring a smile to our face or a tear. But some memories remain because you regret them. You know that you could have changed that moment, that fateful occurrence but you were unable to. These remain always paining us, always hurting us.
Not that many events remain in mind that I regret. But there's one etched strongly in my mind because it occurred as I behaved totally against the principals that I believe in. Whether this is worth regretting or not you can argue. But for me it was a moment of adrenaline controlled fury that was to be a black mark.
To give a small background as a student of a government controlled university there's one thing that all freshers have to go through and that is ragging. Not the nicest concept around and not definitely the friendliest of rags. Fortunately for us juniors our faculty had done away with this and from day one we were welcomed and were free to walk around just as equals with the seniors. But of course just as in olden days whenever there's good evil just cannot stop itself from peeking in. This trend of ours didn't go very well with the seniors of other faculties as this was a threat to their ragging kingdom. Hence there always ensued battles between our faculty and other faculties whenever freshers were being taken in.
This fateful day another one of these battles took place resulting in our faculty members running helter-skelter as a if a tiger was let loose amongst a chicken pack (to counter any of your laughing and to justify our running - we were one faculty and they were two). As I presumed the proceedings of the day to be over I just took rather a quick walk towards the bus stand and got into the bus that came (Mistake 1). The bus was rather empty so I sat on the back seat just to have a quiet ride. In front of me an old person was seated and next to me at the corner of the back seat a young girl was there.
A few minutes into the ride the old fellow started asking whether I was from the university and that his daughter was also studying there and whether it is true that there was a fight there. Trying to be polite but frank I replied yes for both and tried to stop it there. But then he asked me to come to his seat to discuss the matter further. Suddenly the alarm bells went off in me and all the warnings my parents had given to me about strangers began kicking in and I simply replied in the negative. Still the guy seemed purely to be interested in the topic of university fights and started blaming the university students and giving comments like hands and arms should be cut off of people who participate in it (wow he sure was scarier than the faculty guys!!!). And I argued back the point saying nobody has the right to do any such thing and it's stupid to punish students without treating the root cause. He still argued back and I just got so worked up that I didn't care if he was elder to me or not I just let loose with my tongue. Pretty soon the back seat was a mini battle field (of words) and the girl at the corner was caught up in the middle of it. Even the people at the front were looking back to see what the heck was going on. At last the girl couldn't bear it any more (the macho men trying to prove themselves correct) and got down which resulted in us stooping our war of words. For a while we remained without talking and as sense began to kick in I really felt bad.
No matter what he said he was an elderly person and senior to me. I should have respected that and held my tongue. True that I will never agree with his views but he didn't deserve a lashing as I gave. Who was I to teach anyone something? I was just a beginner in society and he has experienced everything there is to be thrown at him by society and he didn't definitely need a stubborn punk giving him a piece of mind. With these thoughts I apologized to him before I got down and he just smiled. We had a small chat then and it was all the past and forgotten. Still from the moment I got down I have felt bad because I know that I should have handled the situation better. I should have let sense prevail before my tongue. That day I became just another common trouble maker shouting out loud without brains or sense.
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